i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
