Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
