What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
