I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
