Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
