Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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