no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
