Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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