this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
