Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
