did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
