between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
