OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
