Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
