I am midnight drunk by noon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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