don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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