I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
