I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
