you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had to coat check the pizza.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize