So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
