I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
