38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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