I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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