Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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