ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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