Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
