Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
