I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
