DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
