can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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