Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
