weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
