I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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