Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
