why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
