Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
