I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
