Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
