Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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