Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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