isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
her facebook's as public as her vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
