They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
