My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
