I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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