nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I didn't notice because vodka
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize