so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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