see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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