Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
