I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
