It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
