Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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