What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
