Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
