she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
