i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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