Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
