I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
