Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
