let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
