He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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