Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
