I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
