Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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