my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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