when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
