I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
