I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Green mimosas i think yes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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