Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
